Viral visitors bring hostess gifts of sniffles and sore throats this time of year. Last week a particularly nasty guest took up residence in the passageways of my upper respiratory system. So I was forced to spend a few days at home entertaining its various whims and wants. I wasn't interested in encouraging a long sojourn, though, and I armed myself with a few weapons to try and convince my guest to leave. Oranges, apple juice, chicken noodle soup and zinc lozenges made comforting additions to my cold-fighting arsenal.
I settled in at home for what I hoped was a brief stay. Rest and drinking fluids were the main items on my agenda. The living room couch became the headquarters for my sick days.
While the cold was the guest I was most focused on I soon realized it brought with it another companion of dubious merit -- daytime television on basic cable. I don't see a lot of TV before 5 p.m. and it is an entirely different viewing world. Game shows with greedy contestants, talk shows with crazy guests and old sitcom reruns dominate the viewing choices.
Daytime television is strange company but it can feature some interesting information. I even managed to learn a few things during some lucid moments in the fog of my cold.
From "Hogan's Heroes" I learned an easy solution to getting an escaped POW to the sea in his own boat. First you have to trick Colonel Klink into building an officer's club in the shape of a boat. After Klink builds the boat you have to convince him that his superiors will not approve of such a fancy club while other German soldiers are fighting on the Russian Front. Once Klink is convinced of this he will naturally send the boat to the sea to wait out the war. We have the last laugh, because we know there is a carefully concealed POW who will use the boat to escape to freedom.
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Of course, "Hogan's Heroes" isn't meant to be educational television. I also spent some time with Martha Stewart and public television to tune into TV programs designed to teach.
Martha Stewart is the queen of all things know-it-all. She had lots of interesting information. From Martha I learned the tricks to growing vegetables in the midst of the snow and cold of winter. Although I really shouldn't say "I learned." It would be more accurate to say I listened to her tell how to grow vegetables in the winter. I don't have any more idea of how to grow produce in the wintertime than of how to grow it during the summertime. I did learn that vegetables grown in the winter have a different flavor than their warm weather counterparts. Martha said they taste sweeter.
Cooking shows are my favorite daytime TV programs. I tuned into an episode of Chef Paul Prudhomme on public television cooking his Cajun cuisine. High calorie Louisiana food isn't my favorite and I didn't pay enough attention to learn how to make the dirty rice he enthusiastically prepared. I did pick up a little piece of trivia, though. Prudhomme said the term "dirty rice" was invented by New England Yankees who came to New Orleans in the 1950s. They couldn't pronounce the actual name of the rice dish so they coined the "dirty" phrase for the brownish-colored concoction.
Cooking programs were not a mainstay during my sick days. There were some times when my lack of appetite rendered these shows unappealing. I had to continue channel surfing.
Switching through channels was tiring. That effort combined with the effects of the virus would overcome me with exhaustion. A nap would mercifully relieve me from the prospect of spending more hours with bad television.
The knowledge that my ornery cold also spent time in the glow of daytime TV is somewhat comforting. Maybe next time the rhino virus wants to pack its bags and land on my doorstep it will think twice. I'll have to plan on watching "Judge Judy" next time I am sick. If that threat doesn't keep unwelcome colds away, nothing will.
