Now that election is over, let's return to a simpler time
We did it! We survived the election! Some may have been swept to sea in waves of punditry, but most of us stayed afloat by clinging to the rocks of sanity, or just by staying on the couch.
While maybe not all of your candidates won, most of us will agree we are looking forward to going back to a pre-campaign way of life.
Remember the good old days? They seem so long ago, those days when our concerns seemed more trivial. Like when the acceptability of de-friending someone on Facebook because they constantly posted pictures and detailed summaries of what they ordered in restaurants was open for debate.
Of course, I take voting seriously. Political campaigning - not so much. I did my research before heading to the polls yesterday to make informed decisions - though I'm still scratching my head over how much I was supposed to be against animal abuse.
Now that the election is over, we can go back to simpler times. For example, I'm looking forward to picking up the mail that only holds bills and renewal notices for magazines I can't keep up with and not cluttered with campaign ads of smiling candidates and scowling opponents.
I'm not alone. People with landlines will be happy to get wrong numbers instead of picking up the receiver only to have someone from a phone bank desperately pleading for a vote.
Similarly, homeowners will appreciate unexpected knocks on the door coming from police officers canvassing the neighborhood, not campaigners asking how someone who no longer lives at that address intends to vote.
Speaking of interruptions, I'll be happy when a guy can spend a relaxing Sunday afternoon watching an Adam Sandler marathon without commercials that force you to think, "What is the right course for America?" That is assuming people that watch Adam Sandler marathons think at all.
Parents anticipate the days when they can send their kids outside to play without fears that a stranger will pull up in a van and swoop the child up for a candidate's photo-op.
Media watchdogs will look forward to newscasters filling the hours with round-the-clock coverage of how Honey Boo Boo will stain the moral fabric of the country with her "sketti," rather than analyzing what a candidate's tie says about how they will handle Iran's nuclear programs.
Personally, I'm looking forward to a time when "party" means a gathering of friends at which you may make some bad decisions you secretly hope you can't remember the next day and not a political gathering of people I would certainly not want to party with. The person I would most like to have a beer with sure wouldn't be running for office. I like my bars dark, not under the glare of TV lights.
The Who Wants to Party Party is the only party for me.
I'm John Lamb, and I approve this message.