Look out for jilted lovers lashing out
Break-ups are fairly predictable: Typically one party tells the other they want to move on, leaving the other to feel jilted and angry and hurt enough to snap back something like, "Who gives a crap about you, anyway?"
Oddly enough, sometimes that same party does indeed give a crap - right back to the ex.
The past few weeks have seen some bad breakups resulting in more than just hurt feelings. Though, your feelings would be hurt if you found out an ex: a) trashed your home; b) stole your car and claimed to have it crushed; or c) defecated in your purse and then presented it to you at your job.
Ex-lovers have been getting pretty, um, colorful in how they've chosen to get back at those they perceive have done them wrong.
A Fargo woman was accused of stealing her ex-boyfriend's car and selling it while he was in jail for allegedly assaulting her. She told police she sold the 1991 Mercury Marquis for $80 and had it crushed, though police later recovered the unharmed car.
Some exes really know how to follow through on their revenge scheme.
Last month, a Moorhead man was charged with felony burglary and property damages after he allegedly kicked in the door to his ex-girlfriend's home, flooded the dining room and kitchen, drained the woman's large aquarium and splashed purple paint about the house.
He could try to use the defense that he was just really excited about the upcoming Minnesota Vikings season.
Maybe too excited. The man also allegedly defecated on the woman's bed.
And taking a dump on someone - or at least their property - who dumped you must be the latest craze among exes.
A man recently stole his ex-girlfriend's purse, only to return it to her at work, minus cash and sunglasses, but, ahem, leaving his own deposit.
He apparently was so proud of his plan that he videotaped his work and showed it to the police.
So what do these expressive exes hope to get for their displays of rejection? Besides jail time? Or a spot on "The Jerry Springer Show"? Is there a reality show called "Bad Breaks" that I don't want to know about?
It's kind of odd when celebrity splits are more civil than Joe Six-pack.
Tom Cruise seemed to be a prime candidate for some manic display after he and Katie Holmes split after six years. After all, he was the one who jumped up and down on Oprah Winfrey's couch proclaiming his love for the young actress.
Instead, they settled on a separation within days. Both parties seemed respectful and wishing to get on with their lives.
Finally, celebrities live up to their expectations as role models.
That said, if I were Katie Holmes, I'd go ahead and throw out the old couch, just in case Tom left her a "Cruise missile."